with your own penis?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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