Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i dont even know how to be here
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize