Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
