he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
