If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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