Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
