Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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