So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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