did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
