..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
