hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
