Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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