You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
