I love black thongs
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize