im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
