I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
