This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
