You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did you just see the Batmobile???
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
