You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
