Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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