I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
