Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
