god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am in a vortex of obligation.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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