so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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