Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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