My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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