ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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