I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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