i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
