i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
