I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
