she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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