First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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