he puts the penis in happiness.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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