Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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