Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
