you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
