My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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