Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
