well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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