oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
