I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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