youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
