I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
