i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
