The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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