Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
