Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
