Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
