I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
