he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
