singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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