See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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