Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
