If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
