adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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