The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
