Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
