the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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