just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
