So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize