I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize