i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
