Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
