There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
