she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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