Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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