Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
