We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
