I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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