But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
