So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
