Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
