Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
