I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
