You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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