ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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