I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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