I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
