I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
