I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
