you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
