so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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