So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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