Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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