3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
