hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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