apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize