Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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