I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
