smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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