first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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